Thursday, June 22, 2017

One Call Away

I've been told, several times,
by no other than the most independent woman I've known, other than my own sister,
(how many times have I said this already?)
that I'm a hopeless romantic.
I think maybe it's because I showed my honest expression
that I couldn't show to anybody
(I know this is not enough as a clarification, Noy)
I mean, to whom would I said comment like,
"I think that sitting side by side in the bus is romantic",
other than myself, if it's not to you, haha
because I know it's a bit, well, too much
But I still think that strolling around the canals (and taking pictures, if you know what I mean) in Utrecht is romantic!
with a side note, pure strolling, without the intention of buying anythings as most of the times we do


And now I feel like giving testimony over something trivial,
of which I personally judge that you will give the same comment,
so I write it here instead
Haha



(I know this is unrelated, but I love this pict, and to show that the sun was amazing!)


It's not that I'm a hopeless romantic,
(and I wouldn't really mind if it's still so)
but it's proven that, many times,
one phone call can really do make a big difference
(and suddenly Spotify plays Charlie Puth - One Call Away, really! haha)


There is this strange flow of energy of getting to 'directly' interact
without giving the time to think about the exact meaning of the text you received
or the meaning behind it, or behind it
(well, maybe a matter of over-thinking also plays an important buffer in this case)


But we do that, don't we?
Analysing the meaning behind a text,
or even just try to understand the feeling behind the text
or the story behind it, or maybe what the writers were doing when he/she wrote it
(please tell me I'm normal even if I do this kind of thing)


And there is this thing about mind that you cannot control, isn't it (or not?)
I mean, even if you determined not to think about something, you will end up thinking about it
Because the act of determination of controlling this thought itself means that you are thinking about it
(or am I too much? is it only me?)


Even if it's a mere insignificant thought,
Even if you try to forget about it,
it's still there
it can linger the whole year

Just like the typical grass you can find at the side of the road
They will be there in all seasons, without your effort to care for them
They just change colours
Maybe you can't really see them in winter
when they were covered by snow
But believe me, they're still there


And why do I suddenly talk about all these insignificant things
when the first intention of writing this post was just to say that I'm happy today!
Haha, zampah banget yha



Anyway
Have a nice day!
Annyeong!
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Sunday, June 11, 2017

Why do you feel lonely?




Why do people feel lonely?

Having people around you won't guarantee that you'll free of feeling alone
There are 7,5 billion of people in this planet
Yet it is still possible to feels like an alien among all these human


Why do people feel lonely?
Is it because of our greed?
Of needing someone who can understand us?
Of the feeling to be accepted?
Of having someone to talk to?
Of the feeling to have someone to rely on?
Of the feeling to have a company?


*sigh*
I don't know
Why do I feel lonely?


No, maybe lonely is not the right term
I just feel..
Empty
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Friday, May 19, 2017

Mind Over Matter

Memang ya, Allah itu Maha segalanya

Sometimes I thought that I really can feel what other people's feels
I empathize a lot
That I'm the type of person who deeply rely on my feelings and intuitions
But feelings and intuitions are indeed not necessarily same as the actual facts

duh, ngomong opo toh zi


Yah, pokoknya gitu deh
Mo nulis pake bahasa Indonesia dulu ga papa ya
Lagi kangen Indonesia



Akhir-akhir ini sering banget ngerasa 'ditampar', sama Allah
Astaghfirullah, sounds so wrong
Apa dong, bingung juga mo pake kata apa


Intinya ada aja emang caranya Allah nyadarin kita
Bahwa apa yang orang lain rasakan,
baru akan benar-benar kita mengerti
ketika kita berada di posisi yang sama

Allah benar-benar ngasih cara paling efektif untuk belajar
Ngasih kita sesuatu yang persis sama dengan apa yang sebelumnya kita anggap bukan hal yang patut dibesar-besarkan oleh orang lain



Beberapa hari kemarin sempat tersesat dan ngelakuin hal yang sama
Untuk kemudian tersadar,
what the hell am I doing
I'm almost doing it the same way as you did, which I hated so much before
I thought there is no way it could hurt you to that extent



Turned out that I shouldn't judge whatever choices people took for the sake of their life
It's just the way they choose to survive
Bahwa belum tentu, ketika dihadapkan dengan masalah yang sama,
I can do any better



Ada aja emang cara Allah menuntut kita untuk segera dewasa
Nempatin kita di semua sudut, untuk bisa melihat lebih baik

Bahwa kalo memang menurut kamu apa yang orang lain lakuin itu bukan jawaban yang terbaik
Let's see jawaban lebih baik apa yang bisa kamu kasih ketika kamu benar-benar di posisi yang sama



Maybe it hurt you way more than it did to me
That you end up losing to your own fears
and decided to do whatever it wanted you to do

Now I start to feel sorry for what I did
Blaming instead of reaching out


But I'm not going to go back
The past is there for you to learn
I decided not to do it the same way either
I'm not going to do the same mistake
I'm going to win over my dark thoughts and useless worries




"..learn the lesson, release the pain, and move on.."








"Living is all about the choices you make moment by moment
Even if it’s just a log bridge, you must make a choice:
Do you go forward? Do you turn around, or do you stop?
Where I am now is the result of countless choices made in the past." - Reply 1994



and you, yes you
where you are now is the result of your past choices
so thank you for being with me
Cheers for the moment
and hopefully for the future :)
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Tuesday, May 09, 2017

Getting Old

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it.
And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of.
If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”

― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screenplay





(goodreads)



Well, getting old is indeed scary
If only we all can be Wendy
Having Peter who would gladly bring you to the Neverland whenever you change your mind


But why exactly does getting old scare us?
Age is merely a number
Is it the need to be 'more adult'-ish as you age?

.. But what is an adult?






Hmm.. that is what google said



a person who is fully grown or developed
emotionally and mentally mature

*sigh*




I think, personally, this 'adult' thing is only part of it
Grown, developed, emotionally and mentally mature are not something you can control or, in fact, measure
But surely it is something you will definitely gain as you're getting old
Even if you do nothing
So what's the need to be afraid?


I suppose most of the fear comes from the pressure of what we think other people expect us to be
Or what we, ourselves, expect us to be
Hmm.. The first one is definitely not something we have to waste our energy for
Thinking about our expectations is already exhausting, let alone other people's
While the second is something that is so complicated, that I would be able to talk about for hours
And that is not what I intended to do when I decided to write this post


Bu the point is, there is nothing to be afraid of
When you think that it's getting hard
Don't forget that everyone around you is also struggling
It's just natural
That's what life is
Even a mosquito need to be in danger just for a drop of blood


Laughing, crying, complaining, getting angry, are all natural
It's just the way it is
Ah, I just realized, getting afraid is also natural then
Well, it is. Hahaa


But always remember this:

...لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا
"On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear"
(2 : 286)



Life is difficult
Indeed
But you are strong
So what?



“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan




Panjang yaa..hahaa
Selamat ulang tahun!
I wish you all the best thing that life could offer!
:)


“You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming?
That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
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Monday, May 08, 2017

Alasan



"Aku mencintaimu karena Allah."

Sampe sekarang kalo baca kalimat ini (belum, belum.., belum pernah dengar langsung), rasanya gimanaa gitu
Yang gimana sih rasanya cinta karena Allah?
Kerna cinta, trus jadi lebih rajin ibadah?
Kenapa?
Mesti kerna ada maunya

Ya ga gitu juga sih
Mungkin maksudnya cinta yang bikin kita pada saat yang bersamaan semakin mencintai Allah
Atau ya udah gitu aja, cinta karena Allah


Duh, sounds so wrong
Emang boleh Allah jadi alasan?

ya kenapa ga? justru harusnya begitu kan?

Ga tau tapi rasanya gimana gitu
Ga pantes aja Allah dijadiin alasan

Loh

Hmm, mungkin maksudnya cinta atas izin Allah (?)
Tau dari mana kalo diizinin?

Lah, kalo udah dirasain, berarti udah diizinin dong

Ya ga mesti juga, kan ga semua orang yang mencintai karena Allah
Trus yang ga mencintai karena Allah gimana dong?
Atau yang ngakunya cinta karena Allah taunya ga?
Atau, duh, auk ah, gelap

Aih, makanya ikut pengajian sanah -_-
Ya walaupun ga semua yang dibilang ustadz itu bener 100%, namanya juga manusia
Tapi kan pasti selalu ada ilmu yang bisa didapat
Well, at least menambah sudut pandang baru


Hmmm, yhaaaaaa, baiklaaah
Annyeong~
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