Rindu

Ah, suasana ini.
Sudah lama aku tak di sini.
Diantara wajah-wajah lelah itu.
Wajah-wajah lelah yang berusaha mengusir bosan dengan birunya layar ponsel di genggaman.
Ponsel-ponsel investasi.
Ponsel-ponsel yang menemani satu dua jam perjalanan dalam diam,
diantara aroma penat yang memenuhi udara.

Mendadak aku merasa sepi.


Tujuan terakhir.
Aku melangkah keluar.
Terdiam sejenak untuk menikmati udara bebas yang mengisi paru-paru.
Udara dingin dan lembab.
Hujan akan turun tak lama lagi.
Aku berjalan bersama ratusan langkah kaki yang bersemangat.
Bersemangat untuk segera pulang.
Pulang menuju hangatnya ruang makan, ruang keluarga,
dan hangatnya pelukan.
Menikmati penghujung minggu yang tak akan berlangsung lama.


Jalanan ini.
Jalanan yang tak asing.
Jalanan yang dipenuhi berbagai kehidupan.
Jalanan yang sama,
yang tak berubah barang sedikit pun.

Tetesan kecil hujan mulai membasahi dua kaca bening yang terpasang di depan mataku.
Menciptakan butiran-butiran samar yang memantulkan cahaya jalanan.
Tak perlu lensa kamera untuk melihat bokeh itu.


Aku menengadahkan wajah.
Menikmati rintik yang tak lagi ragu untuk jatuh.
Menetes dan mengalir di pipi.
Sensasi yang baru kusadari sudah lama tak kurasa.
Ah, I don't even know if it's a good thing or a hidden caution.


Langit kelabu.
Tak seperti malam kemarin.
Malam dengan Saturnus dan Jupiter yang bersinar terang menemani.
Juga beberapa bintang,
yang hanya terlihat dengan bantuan dua lempengan kaca kecil ini.
Malam dengan bulan yang tak lagi penuh.
Malam yang membuat aku rindu.
Rindu akan mimpi-mimpi yang terlupakan.

~

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One Call Away

I've been told, several times,
by no other than the most independent woman I've known, other than my own sister,
(how many times have I said this already?)
that I'm a hopeless romantic.
I think maybe it's because I showed my honest expression
that I couldn't show to anybody
(I know this is not enough as a clarification, Noy)
I mean, to whom would I said comment like,
"I think that sitting side by side in the bus is romantic",
other than myself, if it's not to you, haha
because I know it's a bit, well, too much
But I still think that strolling around the canals (and taking pictures, if you know what I mean) in Utrecht is romantic!
with a side note, pure strolling, without the intention of buying anythings as most of the times we do


And now I feel like giving testimony over something trivial,
of which I personally judge that you will give the same comment,
so I write it here instead
Haha



(I know this is unrelated, but I love this pict, and to show that the sun was amazing!)


It's not that I'm a hopeless romantic,
(and I wouldn't really mind if it's still so)
but it's proven that, many times,
one phone call can really do make a big difference
(and suddenly Spotify plays Charlie Puth - One Call Away, really! haha)


There is this strange flow of energy of getting to 'directly' interact
without giving the time to think about the exact meaning of the text you received
or the meaning behind it, or behind it
(well, maybe a matter of over-thinking also plays an important buffer in this case)


But we do that, don't we?
Analysing the meaning behind a text,
or even just try to understand the feeling behind the text
or the story behind it, or maybe what the writers were doing when he/she wrote it
(please tell me I'm normal even if I do this kind of thing)


And there is this thing about mind that you cannot control, isn't it (or not?)
I mean, even if you determined not to think about something, you will end up thinking about it
Because the act of determination of controlling this thought itself means that you are thinking about it
(or am I too much? is it only me?)


Even if it's a mere insignificant thought,
Even if you try to forget about it,
it's still there
it can linger the whole year

Just like the typical grass you can find at the side of the road
They will be there in all seasons, without your effort to care for them
They just change colours
Maybe you can't really see them in winter
when they were covered by snow
But believe me, they're still there


And why do I suddenly talk about all these insignificant things
when the first intention of writing this post was just to say that I'm happy today!
Haha, zampah banget yha



Anyway
Have a nice day!
Annyeong!

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the Road not Taken

If you ever be given the ability to turn back time or to see the future, which one you will choose?



Hmm, both sounds so tempting, huh?

To go back means that you can change whatever things you regret
Whatever things you want to change

But what if, what if even if you go back and you change something, it won't turn out as what you expect?
Are you sure that there were only two paths to choose?
But isn't life is like the web of paths?
How many times will you go back to make it as what you wish for?


To go to the future means that you can see what you will be and what will happen next in your life
It's basically the same as to go back
You can make experiments in what you need to change in order to alter your future as what you want

But are you sure that changing the path will help you in reaching your selected end?
How certain are you that the result will make you satisfied?


Hmm
There are high uncertainties in both options
What if (but I'm quite sure of this) changing your past or your future will also change others', (un)intentionally?
Are you going to be responsible for the changing life of all these people?

What if, changing it will end up making it worse? or making it more complicated?
What if, changing it gives you more regret?
What if, you end up wasting your time in your experiment and falling deeper in your disappointment?
What if, whatever you do, there is only one end, the unseen end?
But there is indeed only one end, tho



That's why, I will use the right to stay
I have the privilege of choosing my path in my present time, right?

Then I choose to turn down the offer
Not because I have no regret, or that I want nothing in my future
I have a lot for both

It's just because life is already complicated enough without adding some extra variables
Would like to be grateful for everything I have for now, while try to do my very best in deciding my path for tomorrow


To do something for the unpredictable yet exciting future
That's the art of living, in my definition



“Whichever path you choose, there are always lingering thoughts of the road not taken.
That’s why there are no choices without regrets and no one right answer to life.
The right answer to life is to believe that you don’t regret your past choices and live on.”
- Samchunpo, in Reply 1994

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Demi Masa

Setahun
Tepatnya setahun 4 hari
Pengen bilang ga kerasa waktu berlalu cepat banget
Tapi kayaknya ga bener juga
Sebenernya waktu itu gimana sih
Kenapa kita sering banget ngerasain waktu yang 'beda' dibanding orang lain
Ga usah dibandingin ke orang lain deh, sesama diri sendiri aja, bisa beda kadang
Ya ga sih?
Memang sih katanya waktu itu relatif
Tapi bukannya kerelatifan waktu hanya signifikan ketika kamu bergerak mendekati kecepatan cahaya?
Oke, bisa aja kita berimajinasi kalo ternyata tanpa kita sadari kita bergerak mendekati/sama/melebihi kecepatan cahaya
(misal itu kecepatan gerak bimasakti, jadi kita ga ngeh kalo kita bergerak. Misal ya)
Tapi ya, tetep aja kan, pada kenyataannya, kita hidup di bumi, waktu udah ditentuin
Udah dipaku mati

1 menit = 60 detik
1 jam = 60 menit
1 hari = 24 jam (Oke, aku akuin deh, 23 jam 56 menit 4 detik)
1 minggu = 7 hari (Hmm, dikaliin aja deh ya sama kurung di atas)
dan seterusnya dan seterusnya

(Ngomongin waktu, sebenernya ku juga masih bertanya-tanya sama konsep pembagian waktu.
Tapi yaudahlah, panjang banget kalo dibahas. Heu)

Oke, jadi kenapa ya kadang kita ngerasa waktu lamaaaaa banget jalannya,
kadang ga kerasa udah tiba-tiba malem, tiba-tiba setahun lewat, tiba-tiba..hmm..

Ya mungkin itu semua cuma perasaan kita aja kali ya
Atau mungkin cuma perasaan uwe doang
Ada apa sih dengan perasaan
Sering banget mengacaukan

Ya atuh kenapa perasaan yang disalahin, heu


Hmm
sebenernya aku lagi sedih
tapi yaudah lah, lupain aja
Kerna ku juga ga tau kenapa aku harus sedih
Tiba-tiba aja gitu sedih
Apaan banget yak
PMS juga kaga
Mood swing banget :(
Udah gini malah dengerin lagu Tulus, heu


Yaudah ku mo baca buku lagi aja (buku ketiga tahun ini, The Hating Game, Sally Thorne)
Sambil nunggu sub drama
Drama yang lagi aku tunggu ini kayaknya seru deh (baru episode 2 malam ini)
Judulnya Tomorrow With You
Tentang time traveller
Jadi mas nya ga sengaja lihat dia bakal meninggal di kecelakaan, tapi sama mba-mba
Tapi dia ga kenal
Trus taunya mba nya itu istrinya di masa depan
Padahal dia ga kenal sama mba nya
Tapi trus dia cari tau, gitu deh

Temanya amat sangat menarik
Tentang jodoh
Ha
Sesuatu yang penuh misteri
Dan lagi-lagi menyangkut perasaan
Ha, yasudahlah

Mungkin memang hidup itu cukup dijalani aja

Maybe in life, it is enough just to breath in every single second
Because that's the difference between life and death
Or, am I wrong?
Do we breathe in our afterlife?
Who knows..


Ya, I guess it's not totally true
There is also one other thing you need to do
BE GRATEFUL!


Love is not the essence of life
Gratitude is

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