The Benefits of Heartbreak

Epik High

Featuring: Lee Suhyun
Produced by: Tablo
Album: We've Done Something Wonderful


The traffic lights are blinking
And the autumn leaves are rolling on the ground
They do their job
But why am I like this?

The nights are still bright without you
And autumn, too, will turn into spring
But why am I like this?
What do I live for?


Again, had quite a bit to do today
Washing the dishes, cleaning my room, tidying my desk
How thankful I was for those that mindlessly returned to their original place
The small chores I’ve left undone are now what guide my broken self
The moment your hands left mine, they were replaced by the rushing hands of time
I find myself flipping through the final pages of books that would’ve been left unread
Perhaps, these are the benefits of heartbreak
Don’t worry, I’m busy as you can see
I’ve got a full schedule. You just worry about yourself
Thanks for the task you left behind for me


The traffic lights are blinking
And the autumn leaves are rolling on the ground
They do their job
But why am I like this?

The nights are still bright without you
And autumn, too, will turn into spring
But why am I like this?
What do I live for?


Lie down on the couch and turn the TV on
Already been flipping through the channels for half an hour…
Hear the abandoned phone ring
Doesn’t matter who. I make plans and get ready to go out
Right now, it’s 11:30. Would’ve normally fallen asleep
These days, I’m invited here and there
Busy life. Been a while, so I welcome it even more
A hectic day. Unstable just like me
I try to use them up but even then one is left untouched
Not sure if it’s my time or my feelings?
Tomorrow will be a rerun of today
Honestly, I’m afraid that my heart remains empty, despite my attempts to fill it up


The traffic lights are blinking
And the autumn leaves are rolling on the ground
They do their job
But why am I like this?

The nights are still bright without you
And autumn, too, will turn into spring
But why am I like this?
Are you like this too?

Why me…

Read More

Pembenaran Diri

Masih kepikiran
Dua malam lalu, mungkin sekitar pukul setengah 8 malam, lepas pulang dari kantor
Biasanya pergi pulang naik tram, tapi Jumat malam kemarin aku memutuskan jalan kaki
Sambil menikmati suasana romantis di sepanjang Sungai Garonne


Tak jauh dari pintu utama gedung apartemen, langkahku sempat terhenti
Di sisi kiri trotoar jalan yang aku lewati, terlihat seorang bapak sedang berjalan dengan susah payah
Selangkah demi selangkah, ke arah yang berlawanan
Di antara gedung dan mobil-mobil yang di parkir di sisi jalan
Kebetulan aku jalan di tengah jalan, karena jalanan di depan kompleks gedung ini memang biasa sepi kendaraan
Terlebih lagi trotoar di sisi jalan sangat kecil ukurannya
Terkadang juga susah dilewati karena satu dua kotak sampah yang diletakkan di luar oleh pemilik gedung
Untuk dikumpulkan oleh truck pengumpul sampah


Sambil tetap melangkah pelan, aku memperhatikan beliau
Sebungkus plastik berukuran lumayan besar terlihat di sisinya
Melangkah sekali, memindahkan plastik ke depan, kemudian melangkah lagi
Tubuhnya terlihat sudah tidak lagi mampu untuk berdiri tegak
Tangannya di pinggul
Seolah-olah menyokong tubuhnya untuk tetap dapat berdiri


Ada begitu banyak pertanyaan yang terlintas di benakku saat itu
Segala kemungkinan mengenai identitas beliau, apa yang ada di plastik di tangannya,
kemana tujuannya, dan mengapa dia ada di situasi itu
Juga segala kemungkinan mengenai apa yang seharusnya aku lakukan

Sayangnya perasaan kuat untuk membantu beliau dikalahkan begitu saja oleh rasa takut dan kurangnya rasa percaya diri
Bukan, bukan takut akan hal yang tidak diinginkan
Apa yang patut ditakutkan dari seseorang yang bersusah payah bahkan untuk melangkah?
Aku takut intensiku untuk membantu bukan sesuatu yang diinginkan
Terlebih lagi aku hanya bisa berbahasa Inggris
Hampir semua penduduk lokal di kota ini menggunakan bahasa Prancis


Faktor lain adalah soal penampilan
Walaupun di kota ini terdapat sejumlah penduduk muslim, yang kebanyakan berasal dari Maroko,
Namun di lingkungan sekitar tempat tinggalku ini, hanya aku yang memakai kerudung
Bukan, bukan aku malu mengenai agama yang kupeluk
Tapi aku bisa merasakan perbedaan atmosfer antara hidup disini dan di Belanda
Aku sadar sebagian besar dari apa yang aku rasakan ini lebih karena aku baru di lingkungan ini
Mungkin lirikan orang bukan karena penampilanku,
tapi lebih karena aku masih baru dan terlihat asing disini
Ya, sepertinya begitu


Aku berpikir keras bagaimana caranya untuk menawarkan bantuan tanpa komunikasi verbal dan tidak terlihat aneh
Aneh? Ntah lah, kenapa ada kata aneh terlintas saat itu
Sedikit menyesal aku tak punya sesuatu apapun di dalam tas, apel misalnya, roti, atau cokelat
Atau jaket. Ya, malam itu memang jauh lebih dingin dari malam-malam sebelumnya
Ntah juga, kenapa aku berpikiran begini ya?
Memangnya semua orang yang terlihat jalan dengan susah payah, butuh makanan?
Butuh jaket?


Berlatarbelakang berbagai justifikasi murahan tadi,
Aku menyerah
Aku melanjutkan langkah, pelan
Pintu apartemen hanya beberapa langkah di depan, di sisi jalan yang sama

Kunci sudah ditangan, hanya perlu membuka kunci pintu dan masuk
Tapi langkahku masih terasa sangat berat
Aku berpaling dan melihat beliau berhenti melangkah, memegang pinggang, kemudian bersandar ke sebuah mobil

Disaat yang sama, seorang bapak lain, mungkin berumur sekitar 40-50an, keluar dari rumah di sisi lain jalan
Bapak tersebut terlihat memegang beberapa barang di tangannya
Menyeberang jalan dan memasukkan barang-barang tadi ke dalam mobil yang di parkir tak jauh dari aku berdiri
Kemudian menatap heran aku yang lama berdiri diam
Lalu menoleh mengikuti arah pandanganku
Ya, aku hanya berdiri diam mematung di depan pintu apartemen
Sambil memperhatikan bapak tua tadi, yang sedang bersandar di mobil


Beberapa detik kemudian, aku memutuskan membuka pintu dan melangkah masuk

__________________________________________________



Ada sedikit rasa penyesalan yang aku rasakan bahkan sampai hari ini
Kenapa hanya untuk mengulurkan tangan harus dipenuhi berbagai hipotesis?

Read More

Fatamorgana

Susah ya
Kalo disaat-saat kayak gini, pengennya ada orang yang bisa baca pikiran
Yang bisa ngerti tanpa perlu nanya
Yang cukup dengan 'hadir', either physically or not
Tapi bisa ngasih kehangatan


Pengen cerita tapi gimana
Ga cerita juga berasa digerogoti sendiri
Tapi ga tau juga mesti cerita ke siapa
Ah, hidup..hidup..


Tapi emang hal-hal kayak gini dari dulu ga pernah cerita ke siapa pun sih
Mendam sendiri, stress sendiri
Walaupun alhamdulillah sekarang ngerasanya ga se-mentally break down kayak dulu
Ternyata tumbuh dewasa itu ada hikmahnya juga
(yaiyalaaah)
Hmm..tapi tetap aja sih stress, pusing
Kerna lebih dewasa juga ga menjamin bisa mikirin solusi yang lebih baik
Cuma mentok di lebih dewasa dalam menyikapi aja


Hampir 2 tahun berusaha lari dari dunia nyata
Jampi-jampi pikiran sendiri kalo semua baik-baik aja
Menghindari semua prasangka-prasangka negatif yang sebenernya lebih dekat sama realita
Tapi ya namanya manusia
Kalo udah ditampar realita baru matanya kebuka


Ga perlu jauh berangan-angan
Mungkin hidup itu memang cuma fatamorgana
selebihnya gelap tanpa cahaya





P.S. Selamat ulang tahun ayah. Semoga selalu dalam lindungan-Nya.

Read More

Kangen Itu Kayak Belut

Kenapa ya, pikiran kita kadang suka ga bisa diatur buat mikirin hal yang mestinya dipikirin aja
Kenapa ketika kita ga mau mikirin sesuatu, malah kadang jadi kepikiran terus
Kenapa pikiran-pikiran yang bikin sedih itu gampang banget nyelip
Licin, kayak belut


Apalagi kalo kita berusaha keras buat ga mikirin
Malah jadi kepikiran
Berusaha keras buat ga kangen
Malah jadi kangen banget
(eh, ga nyambung ya?)


Lebih sedih mana sih:
1. kangen sama orang, disampein ke orangnya, tapi no response
2. kangen sama orang, tapi ga bisa bilang
3. kangen sama orang, but ... nothing will change even if you say so, so what's the need to say it


Hmmm
Mungkin bukan kangen
Mungkin cuma kepikiran aja (bedanya apa?)
Mungkin nanti ga bakal kepikiran lagi (kemarin2 juga mikir gitu)
Mungkin mesti sok sibuk sama kerjaan (masih kurang, kerjaannya? mo ditambahin?)
Mungkin mesti aktif fangirling lagi (emang pernah nonaktif?)

Ih, naon sih, sinis amat reaksinya
Ga tau apa orang lagi sedih
Heu


Mungkin bener kata Pak Haruki Murakami




Mungkin harus belajar menikmati hidup apa adanya
Sepi itu bukan berarti harus sedih
Tapi mikir doang mah gampang
Prakteknya selalu gagal

Read More

Just Bring Me Back Home

One year ago
It was around this time
I thought that autumn was the warmest season
Why?
Maybe because my heart beat so fast just by sitting on the bus


But it's not anymore
Autumn is just a cold season
With the cold wind
And the cold rain
Everything is cold


Few months ago
I thought spring is the most beautiful season
But not anymore

I don't love tulip
Nor the cherry flower
Not anymore


Just bring me to the place where there is no autumn nor spring
Bring me to the place where I will no longer feel cold and shivering
Bring me to the place where there is no false hope
To the place where people don't break promises easily
Just bring me back home


But I still trapped in this cold autumn
Wondering how to avoid the winter
For I could feel no warmth left in my soul
But I refuse to stop now
Because giving up is not a choice

It's not right to give up, just because it is not easy.
- Bae Dong Moon

Read More

Sesederhana Sebuah Pelukan

Siang tadi, setelah sampai detik terakhir galau mo ke kampus atau ga, akhirnya ku berangkat juga ke kampus
Beberapa hari ini berasa ga punya tujuan hidup
Ga punya motivasi buat ngapa-ngapain
Sampai sekarang belom mulai ngerjain internship juga
Padahal banyak banget yang mesti dipelajari
*menghela nafas*


Tadinya mo kabur ke Utrecht, ikutan muter-muter sama Noya yang lagi ngurusin sign out kerna mo balik Indo in a few days
Duh, sedih ih ditinggalin semua orang begini T_T
Tapi pas bangun, cuacanya mendung banget
Trus lagi puasa juga
Jadinya mutusin ga jadi ke Utrecht

Trus malah ke kampus
Ikutan nyambut Bapak-Ibu Ristekdikti sama IPB
Mereka maen ke WUR, abis dari Indonesia Inovation Day


Ga sengaja, ketemu sama Nur waktu masuk Forum
Dari papasan sebelumnya, dia cerita kalo lagi ada masalah sama tesis
Trus mesti perpanjang masa studi
Sedih sih kalo dengar cerita dia
Kayaknya masalah tesis uwe bukan apa-apa
Masa supervisor nya tetiba resign dari kerjaan
Spv-nya bilang beliau berasa hampir gila kalo masih nerusin kerja
I can't imagine how she feels exactly, to be honest
Gimana rasanya hampir gila?
Hmm, sebenernya di postingan sebelum-sebelumnya aku udah nunjukin tanda-tanda menuju hampir gila sih ya kayaknya
Tapi kayaknya apa yang aku rasa ga ada apa-apanya dibanding ibunya yang pada akhirnya nyerah dan mutusin resign
Meninggalkan semua tanggung jawab
Trus Nur nya ditinggalin gitu aja,
Padahal ga ada yang tau bener-bener soal projek yang dia kerjakan


Jadi tadi pas ketemu Nur, aku tanyain apa kabar tesisnya
Alhamdulillah katanya Senin dia exam
Ah, alhamdulillah
Memang selalu ada harapan di sisi-sisi paling gelap sekali pun :"
Kerna aku tau dia intake September, aku tanya kapan rencana balik
semua orang aja pergi T_T

And suddenly I was surprised by her answer
Katanya: "Belum tau nih kapan bisa pulang, soalnya border sudah ditutup"

"Hah?? Border? Border apaan?
Kamu dari mana sih??"


"I'm from Palestine."


"What?? I thought you're from Egypt!"


"Noo. I'm from Palestine."


Ya Allah...
Ku ga tau mesti ngasih response apa.


Aku tanya jadi dia bakal gimana abis lulus
Katanya dia harus stay disini dulu dan mesti perpanjang Visa
Dan masih ga tau bakal gimana nantinya


Astaghfirullah..
Meanwhile aku yang masih punya rumah untuk pulang aja masih ngerasa hopeless sama semua ketidakpastian yang bakal aku hadapi setelah lulus nanti
Apa jadinya dia..
Yang bahkan untuk pulang aja ga tau bisa atau ga
Yang setiap hari khawatir apa yang bakal terjadi sama keluarganya di Palestine
Yang pastinya bakalan lebih sulit buat nyusun rencana hidupnya ke depan
Yang mungkin plan A, plan B, plan C aja ga cukup


Ya Allah,
Aku jadi merasa hina, depresi kerna sesuatu yang ga pantes sama sekali buat dibandingin sama masalah yang dia hadapi


Kayaknya memang ada aja cara Allah buat nunjukin kalo aku kurang bersyukur
Setiap kali ada di stage yang hopeless dan ga tau mesti berbuat apa,
Pasti ada aja sesuatu yang bikin aku berasa 'slapped on my face'

Bahkan sesederhana papasan sama orang yang seminggu sekali belum tentu ketemu
Yang bahkan ketemunya kurang dari 10 menit
Sesederhana baca Qur'an 2 halaman di waktu Maghrib, yang tetiba hari ini isinya tentang bersyukur

Kurang apa lagi coba Zi..



Kalo diingat-ingat
Sebelumnya aku juga pernah ketemu Nur disaat lagi kalut
Kerna tetiba sadar udah ngelakuin kesalahan waktu nyeleksi sungai buat olahan data tesis
Padahal udah hampir di tahap terakhir
Tapi waktu sadar ada yang salah di awal dan mesti ngerjain dari awal lagi,
rasanya pengen nangis sambil teriak sekencang-kencangnya
But instead, aku kabur dari perpus trus ke mushollah buat sholat dzuhur, sambil berlinangan air mata
Di Musholla ketemu Nur, yang walaupun aku udah ngapus air mata,
tapi dari gerak-gerik ku dia tau kalo aku lagi ada masalah
Eh trus dipeluk lah sama dia..
Jadinya ku malah makin nangis deh
Tapi bersyukur kerna Allah udah ngasih sesuatu yang memang paling aku butuhin
Lewat orang yang hampir bisa dibilang masih asing



Ah, life..
Bener-bener ya
Mungkin memang bukan untuk dipertanyakan atau dikhawatirkan
Tapi untuk dijalani sebaik-baiknya dan untuk disyukuri sebesar-besarnya




Alhamdulillah
Terima kasih ya Allah udah ngasih hamba dan keluarga kesehatan dan umur yang panjang
Juga untuk semua berkah dan rezeki yang dicurahkan :"
Terima kasih udah nuntun hamba di jalan ini
I know You know the best :"

Read More

Senja di Geneva (agak lebay memang)

"As I walk to the end of the line
I wonder if I should look back
To all of the things that were said and done
I think we should talk it over

Then I noticed the sign on your back
It boldly says try to look away
I go on pretending I'll be ok
This morning it hits me hard that

Still every day I think about you
I know for a fact that's not your problem
But if you change your mind you'll find me
Hanging on to the place
Where the big blue sky collapse"

- Adhitia Sofyan, Blue Sky Collapse






Jadi hari ini hidupku di bandara Geneva
Pesawat jam 9 malem, tapi ikutan ke bandara jam 12
Bareng andhani dan keluarga yang lanjut ke Vienna
I decided to just stay and relax at the airport for 9 hours
Kerna memang udah bawaan mager dari lahir
Udah bawa print paper yang mesti dikelarin baca besok senin,
buku stephen hawking, sama 2 file tontonan di simpen di hape
(comeback special bts sama law of the jungle ep terakhir)


Tapi trus ternyata flight nya delayed jadi jam 23.40
Pengen nangis guling-guling sambil koprol aja rasanya di sini
Tadi jajan kopi sama cake (kerna niatnya ga bakal makan berat)
Tapi harganya bikin ngelus dada
Nambah 2e lagi udah dapet spare ribs
Kerna delayed, terpaksa beli makanan berat lagi kerna laper
Trus harga makanannya seharga 5x jatah makan di Wage
Pengen nangis ga sih rasanya
Yang tadinya sedih kerna pas belanja pake euro malah dibalikin 30an CHF,
Yang mana ga bakal kepake lagi
Udah determined mo nuker uangnya di Schipol
Taunya uangnya sekarang udah abis sebelum sempat dituker
Malah kurang pun
Why so sad..
Nambah dikit lagi udah dapet coat yang kemaren kepengen banget dibeli 😢😢

Tau gitu stay 1 night lagi aja,
beli tiket pesawat besoknya yang harganya setengah dari tiket yang sekarang
#life


Mana pesawatnya estimated arrival bakalan jam 1an
Mana ada lagi kereta ke Wage jam segitu
Alamat jadi gelandangan di Schipol sampe jam 4 pagi 😢

Cuma bisa menghela nafas 😢

Read More

Life Happened

'So - whatever happened to you?'
'Life. Life happened.'
- One Day, David Nicholls


And so.. here I am
Reading a romance novel at Rotterdam Central
I know, what a random life
Accompanied by a piece of croissant
Would like to have a cup of coffee but afraid that I will need toilet a couple of times later


It feels good to have a slow life for a while
*as if I ever had the opposite

Sitting down with a book and music from your headphone
With all stranger passing over,
some stop by to sit next to you
But no need to have the urge to start a conversation
Most of the time accompanied by the cold breeze


Reading stories made by others
The written one and the real time
At the same time wondering what kind of story
life will bring you after all of this


Seasons change
And so do people
And hearts
But life is life
And time is time
Both have no rewind

And now autumn is coming
But I am feeling the cold of winter
Deep inside my soul

I’m walking barefoot through the memories
With the fallen leaves
I’m letting go of the people I haven’t been able to forget
- Time and Fallen Leaves, Akdong Musician

I wish upon a star for a warm and peaceful future
At least for the next 6 months
And if possible for the rest of my life


Ah, I wish I wore a proper jacket :"

Read More

At Least I've Tried

I wonder
Maybe
Love is a luxury
Which I don't deserve

How much wealth do I have to possess
To be worthy of this fancy opulence
Why should everything is about money


But I believe that love is not the only thing that promises happiness
At least I'm trying to believe
Because that's the only hope that helps me alive
And maintain my sanity


That at least I've tried

Read More

Hati dan Manusia

Looking back on the same date a few years ago, Facebook just kindly reminded me of my abandon notes.
Just realised that, before writing on this blog, I was so into writing notes on my Facebook account. Hahaha
Udah nyinyir dari dulu ternyata wkwk

It surprised me that I am still struggling with more or less the same question,
over and over again, without getting any clear answer yet, until now

Life..
Maybe it is not something to be questioned, but something to get through

Read More

Chocolonely

Akhir-akhir ini ga tau kenapa, I can't help but feeling so sad and down
Berasa pengen nangis setiap hari
Bukan berasa ding, tapi emang hampir tiap hari nangis
Rasanya pengen bikin waktu berhenti, atau skip tahun depan
Ga bersyukur banget ya jadi orang


Makan cokelat 70% chocolonely setengah batang juga ga membantu ningkatin endorfin
Yang ada malah bikin feeling lonely, all alone in the world


“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
― Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy


Pernah ga sih kamu ngerasa sepi yang parah banget sampe rasanya pengen dipeluk, sama siapapun?
Kata orangnya yang imannya lebih kuat, mungkin, sebabnya kerna lagi jauh sama Allah aja
Ya..it could be
Sholat juga sekedar sholat, akhir-akhir ini
Astaghfirullah..
Ntah lah, ya Allah, Zia lelah


Apa semua orang pasti ada di titik krisis kayak gini ya?
Ada yang bilang quarter life crisis
Mungkin itu core nya, tapi banyak hal lain yang jadi bumbunya
Terutama pms sih
Kenapa cwe selalu nyalahin pms
Ya mo gimana lagi, hormon ga bakal bohong sih

But I wish I can be with you and talk about all these random things in life all day all night

Read More

Dirgahayu 72

“I think we’ve been through a period where too many people have been given to understand that if they have a problem, it’s the government’s job to cope with it. ‘I have a problem, I’ll get a grant.’ ‘I’m homeless, the government must house me.’ They’re casting their problem on society. And, you know, there is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families. And no government can do anything except through people, and people must look to themselves first. It’s our duty to look after ourselves and then, also to look after our neighbour. People have got the entitlements too much in mind, without the obligations. There’s no such thing as an entitlement unless someone has first met an obligation.” – Margaret Thatcher.

Side note:
On the independence day of Indonesia in 2018,
I'm writing the abstract of my thesis, editing the power point for the final presentation and revising the whole thesis
I believe it is not slavery by science,
but the freedom to shape your own future and be responsible for your own goal and choices you made in the past

Read More

Standard Brain Deviation

I think I'm going crazy


Which one is actually bigger?
The space of mind or the space of heart?
Or should I use volume instead of space?
But using three dimensions variables doesn't seem right


Now I understand how devastating being under stress and depression over a long time period is
It is understandable how years of period could lead to deviations in mental health


What exactly is happening in your brain when this kind of situation occurs?
Should I search in google?
No, I don't think I have enough energy to read it
No, I do have energy but not enough to maintain a short period of understanding medical text about synapses and hormone and everything
No, maybe I actually kind of aware what could be happening
Or it's just my assumption?
That I know
Many times, I could not rely on my memory


I don't even know why I'm talking about all of this


And this proves that I'm going crazy
Ability to talk shi*ty things
I mean, unimportant things
Sorry


If later on I come back to this post and found out that my assumption is not proven,
then I can just learn that I was, once, in the state of almost giving up on my healthy state of mind, and heart


Annyeong

Read More

Antara Cinta dan Komitmen

Kenapa ya, seharian ini bawaannya melo
yaelah, melo mulu ih
Tambah dengerin lagunya Suga - So Far Away yang cover baru
Huft


Mungkin karena cuaca lagi mendukung banget
Tadi pagi pas bangun emang dingin banget
Trus tidur lagi kan abis subuh,
ngantuk banget gegara kasus gaje semalem yang bikin tidur kemaleman
Pas bangun lagi di luar udah basah gitu, abis ujan dan masih gerimis
Sendirian pula di kamar, yaudah lah makin makin
Pengen nelepon rumah, tapi lagi pada jalan2 ke Simarjarunjung
Jalan2 mulu mereka, abis mudik kemaren, pada ke Sibolga
Maen di pantai
Trus tadi pada maen ke gunung, lihat Danau Toba dari atas
Jalan2 wajib setiap lebaran
Sedih ga sih cuma bisa lihat doang dari sini, hiks


Kangen orang, tapi orangnya ga kangen
Pengen ngobrol juga ga bisa
Ngarep ditelepon, tapi chat aja kaga
Yaudah sih, makanya jangan ngarep


Nyoba nesis, tapi kepala isinya uneg2
Ga bisa mulai nulis kalo masih banyak pikiran gini
Jadi yaudah curhat disini aja
Huft


Tadi abis ngobrol sama cewe yang pengen aku lamar aja jadi istri
Tapi ga bisa kerna aku cewe dan kita berdua masih straight
alhamdulillah yha
Satu2nya temen ngobrol rutin almost everyday
Yang bisa ngisi rasa kesepian uwe yang ga jelas ini
Ah, siapa ya cowo beruntung yang bakal dapetin kamu


Doi lagi galau suka sama orang tapi ga mau pacaran atau temenan
Maunya jadi suami aja
Katanya, "Kayaknya aku mulai pengen nikah"
Trus aku speechless


Well, siapa sih yang ga pengen nikah
Ada toh?


Pengen sih nikah, tapi...
Kenapa ya, I always think that marriage is difficult
Malah dulu sempat terlintas untuk stay single for the rest of my life
Yah, pernah sih untuk beberapa waktu sebelumnya merasa yakin udah nemuin 'the one'
Yang kemudian sirna
Ya jodoh siapa yang tau


Tapi serius deh,
kenapa ya makin kesini makin hopeless

Banyak orang yang bilang,
"Menikah itu soal komitmen, bukan cuma soal cinta"

Oke, setuju
Tapi banyak yang mengindikasikan bahwa pernyataan ini berarti
love will fade, so don't use it as the ground of your marriage
Bahwa komitmen adalah pondasi yang lebih kuat dalam membina sebuah keluarga


Yaa...setuju sih
I've witnessed many pieces of evidence that this statement is true
That love will definitely fade away
Even worse
It changes


Tapi ntah kenapa,
deep down in my heart
I'm still hoping to find 'the one' who can love me for the rest of his life
I mean, 'the one' who has the same perspective as me,
to maintain our love for the rest of our life
Someone who will stay beside me not only because of commitment
Because staying with someone who based his company on only commitment is the least I want in my life


But I also know that it's kind of impossible
Or maybe I just haven't found the one
Or, maybe there is noone as naive as me out there,
who adores love in another level


Apalagi,
akhir-akhir ini aku mulai sadar,
bahwa masing-masing orang mencintai dengan cara yang berbeda
Berbahagialah pasangan yang memiliki frekuensi sama dalam mengekspresikan rasa cintanya


Atau mungkin, frekuensi yang sama akan terbentuk after spending times together?
Atau mungkin, you don't have to be in the same frequency?
that this is where we use the term: 'to understand each other'?
Mungkin kegagalan dalam hal ini yang banyak membuat 'gagal'nya pernikahan orang-orang?
When they realized that they made the wrong decision
Maybe it's not wrong, it's just that they failed in achieving this state
Some decided to find another 'love', hoping that he/she is in a closer 'frequency'
While the other try to use 'commitment' to stay together


Or maybe I underestimate the meaning of commitment?
Maybe commitment is more than just commitment?
Maybe, you can only committed to someone if you love him/her?
If that's the case, that's even more perfect!
Tapi emang ada ya?
Sejauh ini belum nemu contoh nyata secara langsung


Mungkin jawaban dari semua ini baru bakal ditemukan ketika aku udah ada di dalamnya
Tapi tetap aja sih belum terjawab
Baru bakal terjawab dipenghujung hidup, sepertinya


That's why I thought that marriage is difficult
because there are so many uncertainties in it
Or maybe, once again,
I haven't found the right one
Ya gimana sih caranya kamu tau kalo seseorang itu orang yang tepat?
Orang yang ditakdirkan buat kamu dunia akhirat?


Pusing amat ya,
Beginilah mungkin kalo orang level keimanan nya masih lemah dan ga stabil
Padahal semua pertanyaan tadi bisa dijawab dengan berserah diri sama Allah
Hidup itu ga ribet, kita aja yang bikin ribet
Kenapa ga rela berserah diri ke Allah?
Kerna merasa jadi makhluk lemah yang ga bisa apa-apa?
Ya emang kenyataannya lemah!
Berserah diri itu kan bukan berarti ga ngelakuin apa-apa
Ada yang namanya ikhtiar


Tapi trus tetep aja ujung-ujungnya,
apapun hasilnya ya ga ada yang tau
Ya tapi kan jangan kerna takut hasilnya ga sesuai harapan,
lantas memilih untuk tidak memulai sama sekali
Lah orang belum ada hasilnya juga
Kenapa berburuk sangka sama Allah?
Sebelum yakin sama siapapun itu yang akan jadi imam hidup kamu nantinya,
Yakin dulu sama Allah sepenuhnya, Zi
Gimana mau nemuin jodoh kalau sama Allah aja masih ga percayaan
Huft

Read More

One Call Away

I've been told, several times,
by no other than the most independent woman I've known, other than my own sister,
(how many times have I said this already?)
that I'm a hopeless romantic.
I think maybe it's because I showed my honest expression
that I couldn't show to anybody
(I know this is not enough as a clarification, Noy)
I mean, to whom would I said comment like,
"I think that sitting side by side in the bus is romantic",
other than myself, if it's not to you, haha
because I know it's a bit, well, too much
But I still think that strolling around the canals (and taking pictures, if you know what I mean) in Utrecht is romantic!
with a side note, pure strolling, without the intention of buying anythings as most of the times we do


And now I feel like giving testimony over something trivial,
of which I personally judge that you will give the same comment,
so I write it here instead
Haha



(I know this is unrelated, but I love this pict, and to show that the sun was amazing!)


It's not that I'm a hopeless romantic,
(and I wouldn't really mind if it's still so)
but it's proven that, many times,
one phone call can really do make a big difference
(and suddenly Spotify plays Charlie Puth - One Call Away, really! haha)


There is this strange flow of energy of getting to 'directly' interact
without giving the time to think about the exact meaning of the text you received
or the meaning behind it, or behind it
(well, maybe a matter of over-thinking also plays an important buffer in this case)


But we do that, don't we?
Analysing the meaning behind a text,
or even just try to understand the feeling behind the text
or the story behind it, or maybe what the writers were doing when he/she wrote it
(please tell me I'm normal even if I do this kind of thing)


And there is this thing about mind that you cannot control, isn't it (or not?)
I mean, even if you determined not to think about something, you will end up thinking about it
Because the act of determination of controlling this thought itself means that you are thinking about it
(or am I too much? is it only me?)


Even if it's a mere insignificant thought,
Even if you try to forget about it,
it's still there
it can linger the whole year

Just like the typical grass you can find at the side of the road
They will be there in all seasons, without your effort to care for them
They just change colours
Maybe you can't really see them in winter
when they were covered by snow
But believe me, they're still there


And why do I suddenly talk about all these insignificant things
when the first intention of writing this post was just to say that I'm happy today!
Haha, zampah banget yha



Anyway
Have a nice day!
Annyeong!

Read More

Why do you feel lonely?

Why do people feel lonely?

Having people around you won't guarantee that you'll free of feeling alone
There are 7,5 billion of people in this planet
Yet it is still possible to feels like an alien among all these human


Why do people feel lonely?
Is it because of our greed?
Of needing someone who can understand us?
Of the feeling to be accepted?
Of having someone to talk to?
Of the feeling to have someone to rely on?
Of the feeling to have a company?


*sigh*
I don't know
Why do I feel lonely?


No, maybe lonely is not the right term
I just feel..
Empty

Read More

Mind Over Matter

Memang ya, Allah itu Maha segalanya

Sometimes I thought that I really can feel what other people's feels
I empathize a lot
That I'm the type of person who deeply rely on my feelings and intuitions
But feelings and intuitions are indeed not necessarily same as the actual facts

duh, ngomong opo toh zi


Yah, pokoknya gitu deh
Mo nulis pake bahasa Indonesia dulu ga papa ya
Lagi kangen Indonesia



Akhir-akhir ini sering banget ngerasa 'ditampar', sama Allah
Astaghfirullah, sounds so wrong
Apa dong, bingung juga mo pake kata apa


Intinya ada aja emang caranya Allah nyadarin kita
Bahwa apa yang orang lain rasakan,
baru akan benar-benar kita mengerti
ketika kita berada di posisi yang sama

Allah benar-benar ngasih cara paling efektif untuk belajar
Ngasih kita sesuatu yang persis sama dengan apa yang sebelumnya kita anggap bukan hal yang patut dibesar-besarkan oleh orang lain



Beberapa hari kemarin sempat tersesat dan ngelakuin hal yang sama
Untuk kemudian tersadar,
what the hell am I doing
I'm almost doing it the same way as you did, which I hated so much before
I thought there is no way it could hurt you to that extent



Turned out that I shouldn't judge whatever choices people took for the sake of their life
It's just the way they choose to survive
Bahwa belum tentu, ketika dihadapkan dengan masalah yang sama,
I can do any better



Ada aja emang cara Allah menuntut kita untuk segera dewasa
Nempatin kita di semua sudut, untuk bisa melihat lebih baik

Bahwa kalo memang menurut kamu apa yang orang lain lakuin itu bukan jawaban yang terbaik
Let's see jawaban lebih baik apa yang bisa kamu kasih ketika kamu benar-benar di posisi yang sama



Maybe it hurt you way more than it did to me
That you end up losing to your own fears
and decided to do whatever it wanted you to do
Now I start to feel sorry for what I did
Blaming instead of reaching out


But I'm not going to go back
The past is there for you to learn
I decided not to do it the same way either
I'm not going to do the same mistake
I'm going to win over my dark thoughts and useless worries

"..learn the lesson, release the pain, and move on.."

"Living is all about the choices you make moment by moment
Even if it’s just a log bridge, you must make a choice:
Do you go forward? Do you turn around, or do you stop?
Where I am now is the result of countless choices made in the past." - Reply 1994


and you, yes you
where you are now is the result of your past choices
so thank you for being with me
Cheers for the moment
and hopefully for the future :)

Read More

Getting Old

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it.
And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of.
If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”

― Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screenplay




(goodreads)



Well, getting old is indeed scary
If only we all can be Wendy
Having Peter who would gladly bring you to the Neverland whenever you change your mind


But why exactly does getting old scare us?
Age is merely a number
Is it the need to be 'more adult'-ish as you age?

.. But what is an adult?






Hmm.. that is what google said



a person who is fully grown or developed
emotionally and mentally mature

*sigh*




I think, personally, this 'adult' thing is only part of it
Grown, developed, emotionally and mentally mature are not something you can control or, in fact, measure
But surely it is something you will definitely gain as you're getting old
Even if you do nothing
So what's the need to be afraid?


I suppose most of the fear comes from the pressure of what we think other people expect us to be
Or what we, ourselves, expect us to be
Hmm.. The first one is definitely not something we have to waste our energy for
Thinking about our expectations is already exhausting, let alone other people's
While the second is something that is so complicated, that I would be able to talk about for hours
And that is not what I intended to do when I decided to write this post


Bu the point is, there is nothing to be afraid of
When you think that it's getting hard
Don't forget that everyone around you is also struggling
It's just natural
That's what life is
Even a mosquito need to be in danger just for a drop of blood


Laughing, crying, complaining, getting angry, are all natural
It's just the way it is
Ah, I just realized, getting afraid is also natural then
Well, it is. Hahaa


But always remember this:

...لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا
"On no soul doth Allah place a burden greater than it can bear"
(2 : 286)



Life is difficult
Indeed
But you are strong
So what?


“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan



Panjang yaa..hahaa
Selamat ulang tahun!
I wish you all the best thing that life could offer!
:)

“You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming?
That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”
― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

Read More

Alasan

"Aku mencintaimu karena Allah."

Sampe sekarang kalo baca kalimat ini (belum, belum.., belum pernah dengar langsung), rasanya gimanaa gitu
Yang gimana sih rasanya cinta karena Allah?
Kerna cinta, trus jadi lebih rajin ibadah?
Kenapa?
Mesti kerna ada maunya

Ya ga gitu juga sih
Mungkin maksudnya cinta yang bikin kita pada saat yang bersamaan semakin mencintai Allah
Atau ya udah gitu aja, cinta karena Allah

Duh, sounds so wrong
Emang boleh Allah jadi alasan?

ya kenapa ga? justru harusnya begitu kan?

Ga tau tapi rasanya gimana gitu
Ga pantes aja Allah dijadiin alasan

Loh

Hmm, mungkin maksudnya cinta atas izin Allah (?)
Tau dari mana kalo diizinin?

Lah, kalo udah dirasain, berarti udah diizinin dong

Ya ga mesti juga, kan ga semua orang yang mencintai karena Allah
Trus yang ga mencintai karena Allah gimana dong?
Atau yang ngakunya cinta karena Allah taunya ga?
Atau, duh, auk ah, gelap

Aih, makanya ikut pengajian sanah -_-
Ya walaupun ga semua yang dibilang ustadz itu bener 100%, namanya juga manusia
Tapi kan pasti selalu ada ilmu yang bisa didapat
Well, at least menambah sudut pandang baru

Hmmm, yhaaaaaa, baiklaaah
Annyeong~

Read More

Hari Puisi dan Pencarian Makna

“aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana;
dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan
kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya abu

aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana;
dengan isyarat yang tak sempat disampaikan awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada”


― Sapardi Djoko Damono

Nelongso banget yha, puisi Bapak Sapardi yang satu ini
Gimana coba caranya mencintai dengan sederhana?
Pasrah?
Diam?
Hmm...
Sejujurnya ini salah satu puisi yang ku suka banget dari sejak pertama kali baca dulu di sekolah
Dulu, pas baca puisi ini, berasa ada rasa ngilu di dada, sedih, tapi kagum

Tapi kenapa ya sekarang ngerasanya nelongso abis kalo baca puisi ini
Nelongso dalam artian ga terima


Is it wrong to love passionately?
Why simple if you can make it more?

Apa ga ada cara lain buat bisa mencintai dengan sederhana?
Bapak bahagia mencintai dengan cara begitu, Pak?

Ah, mungkin aku yang salah
Mungkin maksud mencintai itu bukan mencari kebahagiaan
Tapi dengan mencintai maka kamu bahagia
(emang ngomong doang mah gampang ya)


By whichever means, to love is supposed to make you happy
If it's not, then maybe you need to re-think about it
Is it love? Really?

Huft, why so complicated



Anyway, selamat hari puisi nasional~

Read More

Viewpoint

I did expect that
What?
Nothing
So what is it that you expect?
I expect nothing
-_-
I said I expect nothing. Is it not clear enough?
So what's the need to expect then?
That's the point. I expect nothing, but then I realized that expecting nothing is also upsetting. So what do you thing is better? Expecting something or nothing?
What are you talking about?
I am talking about expectation, please be focus
I am totally awake and focus now. It's you who are wondering around right now
I am asking you which one is better: expecting something or not at all
You said you expect nothing but then it's upsetting. Then it means that you do expect something. It's just that you TRY not to expect anything. Which is, I personally think, failed
-__-
Well, sorry, maybe I'm just too tired. Or maybe that premenstrual symptoms, you know those things with women
So you need more serotonin right now? That's what it is?
Why are you so mean?
I am not. I am asking you, do you need more serotonin?
Is it something that you can get at a nearby drugstore? -_-
Go out. Do some exercise
I'm born to be lazy
Jeez. Go to hell, then. No, no, I mean, go eat something
Will it give you more serotonin?
No, it will make you full, and then sleepy, and then you go to bed early, and tomorrow you will be happy again. That's it
Hmm, what a very nice advice -_-
Of course, I know everything. Trust me
:p
Go, girl :) You need some rest
:3 Love you
Yes, yes, I know you love yourself -_-
Annyeong, hahahaa

Read More

the Road not Taken

If you ever be given the ability to turn back time or to see the future, which one you will choose?



Hmm, both sounds so tempting, huh?

To go back means that you can change whatever things you regret
Whatever things you want to change

But what if, what if even if you go back and you change something, it won't turn out as what you expect?
Are you sure that there were only two paths to choose?
But isn't life is like the web of paths?
How many times will you go back to make it as what you wish for?


To go to the future means that you can see what you will be and what will happen next in your life
It's basically the same as to go back
You can make experiments in what you need to change in order to alter your future as what you want

But are you sure that changing the path will help you in reaching your selected end?
How certain are you that the result will make you satisfied?


Hmm
There are high uncertainties in both options
What if (but I'm quite sure of this) changing your past or your future will also change others', (un)intentionally?
Are you going to be responsible for the changing life of all these people?

What if, changing it will end up making it worse? or making it more complicated?
What if, changing it gives you more regret?
What if, you end up wasting your time in your experiment and falling deeper in your disappointment?
What if, whatever you do, there is only one end, the unseen end?
But there is indeed only one end, tho



That's why, I will use the right to stay
I have the privilege of choosing my path in my present time, right?

Then I choose to turn down the offer
Not because I have no regret, or that I want nothing in my future
I have a lot for both

It's just because life is already complicated enough without adding some extra variables
Would like to be grateful for everything I have for now, while try to do my very best in deciding my path for tomorrow


To do something for the unpredictable yet exciting future
That's the art of living, in my definition



“Whichever path you choose, there are always lingering thoughts of the road not taken.
That’s why there are no choices without regrets and no one right answer to life.
The right answer to life is to believe that you don’t regret your past choices and live on.”
- Samchunpo, in Reply 1994

Read More

I Wish for a Happy Ending :)

"I think I'm in love."
"WHAT??"
"Hahahaha, but I'm not sure"



Well, to wake up in the morning and find a new message on your phone and the great news in it
Speechless
Not sure exactly how to react, tbh
I'm honestly, sincerely, wholeheartedly, happy to hear that :)

Though there were so many things I want to ask
So many things were left unsaid
But sometimes, some questions are meant to be in your head only
Sometimes, having no answer is the best way to live your life

Or, could it be because I can understand without asking it out loud?
Could it be that I already found the answer somewhere in the corner of my head and my heart?
That I don't feel like it is necessary anymore, whatever the result will be
Is this what they called 'grown-up things'?
Hmm


"It's been so long that I don't get to feel this kind of thing. That I'm not even sure how to make myself sure about it."
"Well, I'm not any better than you in this case, absolutely, haha."
"I just scared that I translated the signal in a wrong way. What if it's just on my part? Why is it so hard being a girl (you mean, woman? haha) that I don't have the power to make sure of everything."
"Hahahaha. Then just let it be. Enjoy this rare yet exciting moment in your life. You said that it's been so long that you don't feel this way. Then live it. You can choose to wait and live it to the fullest :)"


What else?
Do you think there is a better way to cope with this thing?
Maybe some straightforward girl will just say it out loud. Whatever it is in her mind
And I will always be so envious of this kind of girl
How do you even have the energy to do that?


Anyway, I personally think that everyone knows how to react best, their own way
It's your life, and you are the master of your mind and your heart


But the thing is, it's not only about advice
It's about sharing
About how to make your excitement grow by sharing it with your closest
About how to share the weight it contains with other people
This extraordinary thing about sharing
Sharing happiness will make it bigger, yet sharing your sadness will make it disappear
Magic, eh? :)


I knew at that moment, that when you like someone, you have eyes for her on the sides and the back of your head. And that if you don’t knock, there will be no answer. Standing in place will not get you what you want
-Yoon Jae, in Reply 1984


I wish upon a star for a happy ending :)
See you in my next post
Annyeong!
XOXO

Read More

Spring Day

"How much longing has to fall like snow
For the spring days to come?"
- Kim Namjoon


Hei, it's the new MV from BTS!
Spring Day :)

Here is the link if you want to see the lyric (hangul + romanization + english) with the line of each member

Actually, this is the extended version of Wings album, with 4 new tracks:
Spring Day
Not Today
Outro : Wings
A Supplementary Story : You Never Walk Alone


First, I would like to say thank you to Lumpens and all the music video credits for such an artsy mv :)
I personally think that this is the best mv of BTS so far
Too beautiful to handle hehe

And the song itself is just too mesmerising
I play this song whenever I need to bike from my home to the college or the other way around
And suddenly my life feels like a music video, haha
And everything feels more beautiful, happier but also sad
Why did Namjoon and Yoongi have to put sad lyrics in a beautiful melody, heu
But maybe that's why the song turned out great :D
Even my most favourite parts of the song are Namjoon and Yoongi's part, uri rapper lines
And also the melody of this part (start at 2:19)

Past the end of this cold winter
Until the spring comes again
Until the flowers bloom again
Stay there a little longer
Stay there

Oh, if you want to see Namjoon's personal review of the new songs, you can see it here
The long version of the review can be seen here, but you need to subscribe the channel+ haha


Namjoon said that the song is about how he could not meet up with his old friends so often now
The way he demonstrate the melody tho, why so cute haha
Oh, and by the way, I love the first part of the song so much!
It's just too mind blowing to see Namjoon sing (and that poker face). Haha
Everyone knew that he always want to sing and he practised a lot! haha
You can feel it from his new single that he uploaded to SoundCloud, Always
Or maybe he is experimenting a new way of 'rap' haha
Kalo kata Noya & Andhani, mereka udah kebayang gimana Namjoon ga kontrol dagu sama bibir pas nanyi bagian 'always' wkwk





















Bagus yaa tone warnanyaaa, suka deh

Oiya, btw sekarang ku lagi suka banget lagunya Akdong Musician yang Last Goodbye dari album terakhir mereka, Winter
Sama Time and Fallen Leaves, yang ini album lama sih, tapi entah kenapa ku baru ngeh akhir-akhir ini kalo lagunya baguus
Mungkin lagi sesuai sama mood aja kali ya
Hmm

Well then, see you on my next post!
Annyeong!

Read More

Let Me Sail on the White Ocean

Let me sail on the white ocean
Rolling deep under the blue sky
For the land is reddish instead of brown
Leaves are grey without any shades of green

Let me sail on the white ocean
Be lost with the tears and sorrow of the mother
Of life
Surrounded by the irrefutable truth and power

Let me sail on the white ocean
To find a patch where I belong



Di luar lagi saljuan (lagi)
Bawaannya jadi melo beginih
Padahal udah niat mau belajar

Ga expect bakal saljuan lagi padahal udah tanggal segini
Se ga expect Jimin jadi kurus banget di MV teaser BTS yang baru
Dedek udah gede
Hehe
Kyaaaaa ga sabar nunggu MV barunya released
#die
ckck.. lupakan


Hmm..ekspektasi (bener ga sih nulisnya?)
Well, what do you think about expectation?
Is it so wrong to have one?
Some said it's not good to have over-expectation about something (or someone?)
Could be
But how exactly you measure this expectation?
How do you know if it's over? or less?
And why do we even need to measure it?

Or maybe it's not about measuring
Maybe I'm heading the wrong way


I think, personally, it's good to expect
So you know what you (will) face and what you need to do to meet your expectation
But it is more plausible to put your expectation over the process
Because you, yourself, is one of the variables in it
You can do something about it
You can change whatever it is (for your variable) to meet your expectation, or close to
Or it's even better to put the expectation over yourself
Then you, yourself, are the key to your result
For later there will be less disappointment
Or if there is, it will be the impulse to do better in the future
Maybe this is what they called managing your expectation?
Or no?
Hmmm




Ini ngomongin apa sih, kok jadi pusing heu
Mau belajar tapi kok ya ga punya motivasi
Udah hilang ekspektasi sama course yang satu ini
Ha
Se ga punya ekspektasi sama kehidupan politik di Indonesia
Lah, kenapa tetiba jadi politik haha
Abisnya gregetan, kesel
Ga paham sama sudut pandang orang-orang
Se ga paham Bapake maunya kita ngejawab soal pegimane biar dikasih nilai
Sedih sih
Heu
Ga paham apa faedahnya
Ya tau sih faedahnya apa
Tapi kok ya aku ngerasa agak lebay gitu ya
Yaudahlah namanya juga politik
Kayak kata Bu Carolien: "Funny things happen in politics".



Haaa, yasudah ku mau bantu Andhani bawa barang dulu ke Born
Annyeong

Read More

Demi Masa

Setahun
Tepatnya setahun 4 hari
Pengen bilang ga kerasa waktu berlalu cepat banget
Tapi kayaknya ga bener juga
Sebenernya waktu itu gimana sih
Kenapa kita sering banget ngerasain waktu yang 'beda' dibanding orang lain
Ga usah dibandingin ke orang lain deh, sesama diri sendiri aja, bisa beda kadang
Ya ga sih?
Memang sih katanya waktu itu relatif
Tapi bukannya kerelatifan waktu hanya signifikan ketika kamu bergerak mendekati kecepatan cahaya?
Oke, bisa aja kita berimajinasi kalo ternyata tanpa kita sadari kita bergerak mendekati/sama/melebihi kecepatan cahaya
(misal itu kecepatan gerak bimasakti, jadi kita ga ngeh kalo kita bergerak. Misal ya)
Tapi ya, tetep aja kan, pada kenyataannya, kita hidup di bumi, waktu udah ditentuin
Udah dipaku mati

1 menit = 60 detik
1 jam = 60 menit
1 hari = 24 jam (Oke, aku akuin deh, 23 jam 56 menit 4 detik)
1 minggu = 7 hari (Hmm, dikaliin aja deh ya sama kurung di atas)
dan seterusnya dan seterusnya

(Ngomongin waktu, sebenernya ku juga masih bertanya-tanya sama konsep pembagian waktu.
Tapi yaudahlah, panjang banget kalo dibahas. Heu)

Oke, jadi kenapa ya kadang kita ngerasa waktu lamaaaaa banget jalannya,
kadang ga kerasa udah tiba-tiba malem, tiba-tiba setahun lewat, tiba-tiba..hmm..

Ya mungkin itu semua cuma perasaan kita aja kali ya
Atau mungkin cuma perasaan uwe doang
Ada apa sih dengan perasaan
Sering banget mengacaukan

Ya atuh kenapa perasaan yang disalahin, heu


Hmm
sebenernya aku lagi sedih
tapi yaudah lah, lupain aja
Kerna ku juga ga tau kenapa aku harus sedih
Tiba-tiba aja gitu sedih
Apaan banget yak
PMS juga kaga
Mood swing banget :(
Udah gini malah dengerin lagu Tulus, heu


Yaudah ku mo baca buku lagi aja (buku ketiga tahun ini, The Hating Game, Sally Thorne)
Sambil nunggu sub drama
Drama yang lagi aku tunggu ini kayaknya seru deh (baru episode 2 malam ini)
Judulnya Tomorrow With You
Tentang time traveller
Jadi mas nya ga sengaja lihat dia bakal meninggal di kecelakaan, tapi sama mba-mba
Tapi dia ga kenal
Trus taunya mba nya itu istrinya di masa depan
Padahal dia ga kenal sama mba nya
Tapi trus dia cari tau, gitu deh

Temanya amat sangat menarik
Tentang jodoh
Ha
Sesuatu yang penuh misteri
Dan lagi-lagi menyangkut perasaan
Ha, yasudahlah

Mungkin memang hidup itu cukup dijalani aja

Maybe in life, it is enough just to breath in every single second
Because that's the difference between life and death
Or, am I wrong?
Do we breathe in our afterlife?
Who knows..


Ya, I guess it's not totally true
There is also one other thing you need to do
BE GRATEFUL!


Love is not the essence of life
Gratitude is

Read More

Memories, Park Kyung feat. Yun Hyeonsang

Help I cannot stop listening to this song
Aaaaaaa
어떻게...
This is the 5th song of Park Kyung's first solo mini album, Notebook :"
The first time I listen to it, I fell in love
I'm not the type to fall in love at first sight tho
But now I would like to admit it
인정!
Especially Yun Hyeonsang part, the melody, the music
Hmm..
Even the fact that all those songs were produced, written and composed by him alone is just..
Ah, Kyung, say no more :"


The other songs in this album are good too :D
It's been so long but I still love his collaboration with Park Boram in "Ordinary Love" :D
"Inferiority Complex" is also good, tho I was not too into it the first time he released the single
But it got better and better the more time you listen to it
Like a mantra, ya
Haha

Hmm, anyway, I can't wait to see Block B concert in these coming weeks, kyaa!!!
I'm not a Block B stan, to be honest. I'm ARMY (hahaha, why so proud, wkwk)
I don't even know their fanbase name, heu
But still, I hope it will be great! :D

BTS, come soon!!! <3

Read More

Sirik - Salah Satu Jalan Menuju Roma

Ini ibuke sama bapake yang duduk di depan dari tadi mesra-mesraan wae
Hmm
Kayak orang 'pacaran'
Si bapak dari tadi di elus-elus kepalanya
Biar apa? Biar bobo?
Udah mo nyampe perasaan setengah jam lagi
Pake nidurin kepala segala di dada ibuke
Agak maksa sih di bis yg space nya pas2an gini
Sabar sih, bentar lagi juga nyampe
Heu


Bapake udah mulai beruban
Tapi uban bukan indikator umur
Bisa jadi ibuke yang rambutnya item semua ternyata lebih tua


Mungkin newly married couple
Hmm..bisa jadi


Atau mungkin baru jadian?
Hmm...could be


Kayak suami istri tapi kayak bukan
Salah ya kalo ngerasa old married couple ga bakal ngelakuin hal begini di tempat umum?
Kalo bener old married, langsung aku jadiin #lifegoal weh

Eh tapi ga deh
Ku ga suka sih ngelakuin public display affection begini
Lifegoal nya walaupun old married tapi tetep mesra aamiiin
Harusnya mah goal itu ganti status dulu dari single, gimana sik

Yasudah, kalo bukan suami istri yang penting semoga memang sama-sama single wae lah

Read More

Winter dan Hati #2

Ketinggalan kereta, haha
Ya sudah, tinggal nunggu 8 menit lagi ga bakal kenapa-kenapa
Abisnya daripada beneran ninggalin 2 ibu tadi
Pasti bakal kepikiran sepanjang perjalanan

What if ..
What if ...
Di kepala berasa tumbuh ranting-ranting skenario dari setiap kemungkinan yang bisa terjadi detik, menit, jam, ataupun tahun-tahun berikutnya
Lebay banget yak

Padahal bisa aja kerna aku mutusin balik dan ngangkatin itu tas, kita ketinggalan bis
Yang masih belom jelas bus station-nya dimana
Yang cuma tinggal punya waktu setengah jam lagi
Yang Resti ga bisa jalan cepat kerna kakinya sakit udah dari kemarin


Telat sih mutusinnya
Pake acara galau lebay
Coba kalo dari awal ga pake ragu,
langsung diangkatin, hmm

Maap ya Resti, tadi pake kabur bentar ga bilang2
Abisnya ku kayak ngerasa setiap detik yang terbuang dari keputusan yang aku buat bakal berpengaruh sama detik-detik berikutnya yang bakal terjadi
Pernah ga sih ngerasa kayak gitu?


Well, ternyata kenyataannya ga selebay 'detik penentu masa depan'
Sesederhana ngasih kehangatan physically
cause I'm literally panting and almost sweating, for a few amazing moment, in this freezing weather
and psychologically
and I bet this one will last forever

Dan setelah dipikir-pikir lagi
Ini jawaban Allah atas keluhan aku ga lama sebelumnya soal dinginnya winter dan analogi lebaynya sama hati


Satu keputusan sederhana yang cuma butuh 1.5 menit untuk dilakuin bisa all kill untuk semua keluhan tadi
Haha
Memang Allah tau aja gimana nunjukin ke kamu caranya bersyukur :)




"There is nothing more urgent than now. Because later might never come. Life isn’t long enough to speak of the next opportunity, rather than the now that’s before our eyes." -Yoon Jae, Reply 1994-

Read More

Winter dan Hati

Ga nyambung ya fotonya
Di londo ga ada dunkin donat
Kepengen

Setelah aku perhatiin, orang spanyol ternyata agak mirip ya sama orang Indonesia
Beberapa hari ini bahkan suka kayak salah denger gitu, kirain ada orang indo ngomong eh ternyata bahasa spanyol

Atau itu cuma efek tidur di bis?
Ga nyambung sih
Hmm..mungkin efek kurang tidur, di kasur. Hahaa


Kenapa sih disini kalo malam dingin banget
Kan aku jadi baper
Lah, apa hubungannya


Trus juga, kayaknya cuma di Indo yang dimana2 gampang nemu colokan
Orang2 sini pelit, medit, atau 'sustainable' ya
Jelek banget pembandingnya
Masa sustainable dibandingin sama pelit atau medit
Trus apa dong pembandingnya?


Wifi juga
Ya kalo wifi ga usah dibandingin Indo sih
Sedih mikirinnya aja

Tapi sebenernya bagus ga sih di public places ada open access wifi?
Wo ya baguuss dong! Emang kenapa deh?
Hmm..ga papa sih
Kepikiran aja

Btw ku lagi sedih banget
Headphone kesayangan aku rusak
Terlalu lelah berjuang di kerasnya perjalanan
Tapi masih aku pake sih di bis
Dengan bantuan seikat kawat pengikat kabel colokan baru
Udah beli glue tapi bahkan glue aja ga sanggup menahan dingin, beku



Sebenernya aku ngantuk,
Ini pake baju 3 lapis masih dingin
Lapisan tidak selalu menjamin kehangatan sih
Sama kayak hubungan
Abaikan


Ku siap2 mo ke stasiun bis dulu deh ya, udah setengah 11
Selamat tahun baru!

Read More